dispatch 002
I am approaching the end of month 2 of my "social sabbatical" and one of the things I have been thinking about it is what I want my relationship to technology and social media to look like. I've been slowly making exits from many of my social media spaces over the last 5 years. It started with Twitter in 2024, when I realized that scrolling through my feed after 15 minutes or less left me feeling physically nauseous and hostile. The next big breakup would happen when I permanently deleted my Tiktok account around August of 2025 after rumors of an aquisition from a U.S./Zionist entity were looming and my FYP algorithm was started to feel very strange. I've been taking frequent Instagram breaks since then with my most recent one happening in conjunction with my current 3-month IRL social break. I do not want to return to Instagram. I have my time, my attention, my creativity and my mind back and I cannot fathom walking back to my old habits with the app. I've been trying to get honest with myself around my desire for attention and I told a friend recently in an email exchange that something I am realizing is that I do not need or want everyone’s attention; that attention is not always care and availability does not always mean presence. I want to dissolve my desire to be chosen and maturate my agency regarding who and what I give my precious and limited attention and energy to with more discernment. Sometimes, IG can feel like a place where a 'like' feels like being affirmed and experiencing the fleeting sweetness of being picked- even if it's someone you've barely spoken to. Taking a break from Instagram and completely taking a pause on being physically present in my social life has provided spaciousness for me to reassess what thoughts, ideas, opinions and interests are actually mine and practicing a slower pace in new and exisiting connections both platonic and romantic by mutually extending to each other with intention and delight. This has looked like sending long, winding letters, making playlists, having phone calls, sending voice memos or emails with plenty of grace around response time. Even though I feel very out of the loop around what everyone is doing, I have found myself choosing and being chosen every single week since the new year began in ways that felt inaccessible or hard for me to see during these last several years. To say that I am grateful is an understatement.
That being said... I love the internet! I have been blogging or in some sort of internet community since I joined Doll War back in the mid-2000s during my online dress-up game era. Anyone remember Polyvore? (omg... I kind of want to do a separate post about the world of polyvore fanfiction :O). At the start of February, I decided I wanted to put my creative energy into something small and see if I had the ability to do it consistently. Since then, I've become Pinterest-pilled and dove into my dress up game roots to make digital collages from a "Thinking Through Style" board I've been pinning on since 2023 after I had top surgery and I was trying to think through how I wanted my style to evolve in my more embodied evolution. Sometimes I make outfit collages of things I would never wear and over time, the collages stopped being about style and started being about my own fantasies or ideas coming up in my mind from images I'd see. I want to continue the practice once the month is up because I want to use the Mercury in Pisces retrograde to express things that will be harder to do with words.
Other ways I've been using the internet have been deleting apps from my phone altogether and using websites directly from my laptop. Starting in March, I'm making it a goal to have intentionally-timed internet use to reduce my screen time. Doing this has made me feel more excited about using my computer, as if it is an event that is happening in my day rather than an impulse I reach for. Right now, I am into my private Are.na channel, "Love Studies" that I have been slowly adding blocks to for the last 2 years, Saki Savavi's substack "Wayfinder's Field Notes" who's content I enjoy so much I've gifted 6 friends with free paid subscriptions for the month, joining an astrology discord so that I am no longer learning in a bubble or intaking poorly synthesized pop astrology hot takes on an algorithm that wants me to consume and from time to time, posting on my long tended to tumblr with an audience of the few remaining OG mutuals I've been blogging alongside with for almost a decade.
I'm most excited about blogging in this space!!! While I have an increasing disinterest in Instagram, there is still the desire to share my thoughts, ideas, photos, anything that I want to friends that I know have an interest in what I have to share. I've released my desire to be a writer on the internet because while I am always going to be someone who writes, I am by no means a writer ¯_(ツ)_/¯. Ah! I said it! I don't say this to downplay or disparage myself, but I am currently disnterested in developing self-mastery around writing in this period in my life. I believe being a writer means being a vigorous and hungry reader, writing with others and having the discipline to develop, sharpen and experiment with various technical and stylistic skills. Writing on the internet make a writer not and I am not talking about investing in institutions either, but investing time, consistency and heart. I do not feel energized about writing in that way and it feels like a beautiful thing to admit to myself. It has actually allowed me to write more in my everyday life. I finished an entire journal in 3 months! Perhaps writing with more rigor and seriousness will find me, but not at this juncture.
What am I taking seriously, these days? Nothing I want to report prematurely, lol! But things are brewing. Some interests I have been consistently meeting for the last two months: diving deeper into astro chart reading (have been loving relocation charts) and listening to music analogue (TWO of my sweet friends gifted me with analogue music and my friend Cece even got me a walkman with a CD they made for me). I've been really into buying CDs and casettes now and thanks to my friend Tahnee, Deftones has been my morning coffee walk listening especially on Mars days as an Aries Rising bby. I know I keep mentioning it, but letter writing has felt like it has been established in my life as a ritualized way to connect, expand my relationships and practice taking up more space.
There's so much more I want to reveal and share, but I have plenty of time...
Talk Soon
xx
Sharon/Kos
<3