dispatch 004
On the plane ride from Reykjavík to JFK I was supposed to be sitting alone in an exit seat and things had to get turned around so I ended up sitting in the exit seat across the aisle next to a Belgian woman who was traveling with her two sons and father for a big holiday. Her father was 83 and had always wanted to go to Graceland so they were going to take a plane from Newark to Tennessee and then come back to NYC for 9 days because one of her big dreams was to see New York City. It had been her dream for 30 years. I asked her what she wanted to do and she had this way of being self-critical where’d she preemptively say “it’s so stupid… but I really want to…” to the point where I finally asked, “is this a Belgian thing? nothing you desire is stupid” and she’d giggle and lean in close like she was telling me a big secret.
She told me a lot of secrets on that 6 hour plane ride.
We talked about grief and love for the most part. Her husband of 30 years and mother both died within several months of each other - her husband from lung cancer that took 4 years to take his life and her mother from a brain tumor. This was 5 years ago. I asked her about how she managed through the grief, that kind of loss and she would look out into the clouds through the window and say “I was a wreck at first but I had to keep positive, for the boys…” but I could tell from looking at her there were probably some nights that ravaged her heart, so I nodded and squeezed her shoulder.
She (a Taurus) told me about her husband (a Scorpio) and how theynever had huge fights. That it was a perfect marriage to her. I asked her how they did it and she told me a few things: 1). When they were upset with each other they both assumed good intent. That the other person was probably just having a hard time and didn’t mean it personally when they were mad. 2). They both liked who the other person was and had no interest in changing the other. She said that was the most important part— that when people get together, over time they want to change the other person and that it’s not possible for someone to change just because the other person wants them to. My head and heart nodded along because I came to this realization over the last few years. It felt like confirmation. She showed me pictures from her wedding and talked about her gay best friend Stephen, her youngest son who was a floral arrangement prodigy (got to see pics of his arrangements), her oldest son who was resourceful and was tracking the flight on his own application in a row just behind us, her love of sweets and how Belgians love food…”Ve wake up and tha first thing we think about? Is food!” Hahaha.
I am feeling private these days (I think it’s because my heart feels so tender, protective and big, because I spent the winter mostly alone to decompress and reassess my social landscape and now my relationship to attention and how I share myself and my energy has been changing) but I told her about my trip and how it was to see someone I had been dating who came into my life very unexpectedly. She offered kind words and affirmation after I had shared some details about how I was feeling about V and our relationship.
When we landed we never exchanged names, not like how I did with Ella (another Taurus) the German woman I was sitting next to on the flight from JFK to Amsterdam who described herself as a retired gold digger (that is a whooooooole nother story, she hated her husband of 25 years lol). Belgian seat mate and I simply said, see you later and went our separate ways.
I hope if I find myself in Brussels we will cross paths. I hope her father enjoys Graceland and that when she finds herself in Manhattan, overjoyed by the crowds and lights and food carts, she doesn’t think for one single second “it’s so stupid, but…”