i need to write the same way i need to strengthen my quads
One of my favorite astrologers recently wrote a blog post about sharing writing on the internet. There were several key takeaways, the most significant being the entire paragraph about "Lowering Your Expectations." Ace writes,
" If your expectations are too high, then you’re going to get trapped in perfectionism. You’ll never share your writing and that means that your ideas won’t leave you and then you don’t move forward. Your goal isn’t to produce one spectacular masterpiece after years of not writing ever. Your goal is to write everyday so that you can see how your thinking develops over time."
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In early 2024 I posted my first Substack about how I was moving through a big friend break-up at the same time I was recovering from top surgery and how it catapulted me into a period of solitude. I decided to start the substack because I believed I'm a writer who is supposed to catalyze my friends, communities and strangers to write too. Then within two weeks I had almost 200 subscribers and I felt physically ill with overthinking.
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Between 2023 and early 2025 I have filled over 4 physical journals with ramblings, lists, dreams, my most evil indoor thoughts, manifestations that have come true and some that are still gestating in dimensions I do not understand yet but are hurling my way. What keeps me stuck when it comes to sharing my writing is that I go into it believing that I need to constantly write the most poignant, well-researched, heart aching piece of work every single time. Then I remember how my friends and I would post 15 times a day on tumblr for YEARS, barely scratching the edit function. In that pocket of writing, dreaming and connecting I was building my life and I didn't even realize it.
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Fabiola and I were messaging on IG about freeing ourselves from curation and self-limitation on the internet and she tells me,
"I was reminded of a quote I saw on tumblr that p much ruled me and it went something like 'to make friends, you have to write letter to strangers' and I feel in a way that's what we were doing."
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Around 10 years ago I injured myself in an embarrassing way that left me with a dislocated left knee. I then proceeded to spend all of my 20's ignoring it and I mean... really ignoring it. In a single decade I got into long distance running, a furniture job that required me to lift 70-200+ pound credenzas almost every day, commuting that had me walking 2 miles a day, hard late night dancing, a very physical career in agriculture and developed the disposition of someone who many would refer to as a busy body. One could say I wore my knee down to the bone. Yes, maybe there would be some swelling here or there, but it was nothing that I couldn't warm up by simply walking it off.
Then Saturn entered Aries. The same Saturn that rules bones and joints and the same Aries that lives in my 1st house. My knee didn't hurt, it was worse, it felt weak and unsupportive. A couple of days later, my Achilles tendon started to feel like a rubber band that could snap with just a sneeze. The next day, my hip felt sore and tender. The whole left side of my body felt inflamed and irritated. What I was experiencing were consequences.
After two weeks of getting my health insurance together so I could see a doctor, I was given a prescription for physical therapy. At PT, my therapist ran me through a series of tests and it was confirmed that I have an "incredibly weak quad." I was given a list of exercises to do everyday to strengthen my weak left quad so that they would be able to support my knee. The exercises are relatively simple and I only need to do 3 sets of 10. This is enough to get me to muscle fatigue, but if I do it everyday outside of my weekly therapies, I can improve the current state of my body.
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I'm trying to approach writing these days same way. I feel very weak and vulnerable when it comes to sharing my writing with others. Every day that I do this practice I am strengthening a muscle and shifting into a body that wants to move again. This is a quiet and humbling practice. As I write this now, I am keeping my posts private. By the time you read this, summer will be over and I would have made some gains. For now, I want to do some of this shaking and fumbling alone for a while.
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By September, it is my goal it jump pain free! By September, it is my goal to write as if no one is lurking.